Horrorscopes

Flowery Language Floes

Winslow Anderson

Pisces - Only you know the joke and the joke knows you and no-one who knew the joke could ever not have known you. On the lee shore a rabbit arises.

Today’s Flower: Gold Medal

Capricorn - Don’t answer any questions or question any answers. In your love life market forces prevail. Marjoram is the new allspice. There are people who hate you at work.

Today’s Flower: Agapanthus

Libra - A member of the same sex is strongly attracted to you. Malaise is the spice of life. He who luffs least tacks best. Just keep swinging your arms-people will wonder.

Today’s flower: Is for Algernon

Sagittarius - Salt is the new pepper. Your spouse is the spice of life. Late to bed and late to rise gives a girl sexy languorous eyes.

Today’s Flower: Love Lies Bleeding

Scorpio - Air freshener is the spice of life. Your timely payment insures more astronauts will be helped. Healthy to be and wealthy to rise , makes a man early, late and wise.

Today’s Flower: Whip-my-ass

Aquarius - Nice is the life rife with spice. Vote repeatedly and impartially. Late to bed and early to rise makes a man cranky till the day he dies.

Today’s Flower: Geranium

Taurus - Innuendo is the spice of life. Work for free, more open sewers. Stealthy to bed and stealthy to rise keeps a man safe in a world of spies.

Today’s Flower: Night Phlox

Aries - Cultivate your inner ear. Chagrin is the spice of life. A penny saved is a penny spurned. Earwigs attack tonight.

Today’s Flower: Hyacinth

Gemini - Try mentoring a much older person. It’s opening day at the astral plane. When the school bus comes, will your braids be ready?

Today’s Flower: Dandelion

Cancer - You thought it was gray but it was blue and now it’s a sickly green. Leaking water stings your eyes. Do you take cream? Will you mambo or tango?

Today’s Flower: King Arthur unbleached

Leo - Your racy your sexy your sassy. But you’re a sissy. Your obsession with orange marmalade drives everyone crazy. Why not channel that energy into athletics- or child rearing? At least consider mint jelly.

Today’s Flower: Wall

Virgo - With Aquarius in your first house Neptune in your second house, and the planet formerly known as Pluto in your summer house, you have nowhere to live! And its winter! Try asking at local churches

Today’s Flower: Cauli